Saturday, April 03, 2010

Last night I cried. 
I cried because I live so far from my sons. I was emotionally low all day. I just did my biorhythm calculation.  Emotionally I'm at negative 97%!  Ok, well, that may be the reason.  I usually don't look at biorhythms or astrology predictions until after the bad day is over.  Not that yesterday was a bad day as bad days can go. My work flowed well, but as soon as I was on my way home, my thoughts were no longer focused on my work.  I'm a computer programmer and programming usually doesn't leave room for day to day thoughts other then "if I click this button, this will to code it."  

On my drive home the thoughts began and I knew that I needed to talk to my girlfriends. Each girlfriend I called, though, did not answer.  I only called two, though. I don't have many girlfriends and most are living in in in New York.  Yesterday, though, I called my 2 friends in California that are around my age. I needed to speak menopause...and there was no one to talk to....


Menopause is playing havoc on my psyche.  My emotions are all over the place. When I came home last night, I was feeling strange. I felt loopy. I felt sad. I had a hopeless feeling, even though my life is good. I can only attribute these feelings with menopause. Menopause does not cause me to be bitchy as I had learned it would by other people that have experienced menopause in their life.  Usually the experiencer is the counterpart of the menopausal woman. They were the user of the word bitchy, rather than the menopausal woman herself.  

I am on my 3rd 7 month stretch that are absent of a menstrual cycle. I don't miss it at all. If I make it cycle free for 5 more months, then I am officially in Menopause.  Actually, if I do remain cycle free, then I am in Menopause now, but it really isn't official until it's been a year. 

The first 7 months stretch was in 2007, just around the time my new Navy husband, Mike, deployed for 6 months.  I didn't have a period all the time he was gone, then about a month after he came home, I had one. I went on birth control for a few months, then decided to go off it so that I would know if I was in menopause.  I had another couple of periods, then nothing for 7 months again.  Then, the day before my son's wedding day, I got a period. I had a another couple of cycles after that, then nothing.  So, now this, being my 3rd 7 months period-free, hopefully will remain cycle free after this 7 months.

I'm hoping that once my body knows what it's doing, my emotions will calm and I'll be back to myself.

I'm sure it's confusing for my husband. When he met me, I was carefree and light with a really high libido.  Now...I'm menopausal....need I say more?

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