Friday, April 01, 2011

I learned something about my family today

How I wish I could talk to my mom about what I learned today from my brothers.  I'd have so many questions that I never did ask her.

My mother told me that I was 2 when my dad left our home.  All this time I knew I was 2 years when he left...then today's conversation changed what I knew.  My older brother, Gary, who is 7 years older than me posted some old family pictures on  Facebook and we were talking about one picture in particular.  My mom was pregnant with me in the picture so it was 1957 and I noticed how happy everyone looked. That prompted me to ask my brother about what he thinks happened in the two years after. That's when I learned that my dad left that same year when Gary was seven years old.  Wait...if Gary was seven, I was under a year old!?  I did believe Gary, but I called Larry, my other older brother who is 15 years older than me and he told me he was 15 1/2 years old when dad left...their memories matched up.

All this time I thought I was 2 years old, but I was about 2 months old! No wonder I have never felt abandoned by my dad.  I just never had all the benefits of having a dad.  I was never daddy's little girl. I didn't have the same self image that I may have had having a father in my life. I didn't have a daddy to tell me that I was pretty or nice or whatever.  In my early relationships (my first marriage included) I sot out more controlling men.  Was this due to the need of a father in my life?  I'm not sure.  My husband now is not a controlling man, so I have outgrown that need I guess.

Interesting day.  Larry asked me why am I rehashing this.  I only know that now, I know something that I didn't know yesterday.

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